


General Hux and the Red Howler

by PrinceSnarking



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen, This is crack, do not take it seriously, general hux is bill weasley, hux gets a howler, hux is mortified, kylo is amused, mitaka has found a new inspiration, phasma likes molly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 11:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6422227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceSnarking/pseuds/PrinceSnarking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendol Hux II is not what he seems to be. He took on that name, hoping to distance himself from his former life and family. Some things just don't work out the way you want them to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	General Hux and the Red Howler

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this, except that Bill is Hux and Burnt to Ashes is needing an update and Hux isn't cooperating. I decided to punish him.

No one knew how the red, floating envelope made its way onto the bridge of _The Finalizer,_ nor did they know why it stopped in front of their esteemed General Hux. And they certainly had no idea why the general looked utterly terrified at it.

“Oh,” he practically moaned out, completely losing the calculating coldness that all had come to expect from him. “Oh no. No, please-”

Then the envelope transformed, developing what seemed to be a mouth and teeth – and then the yelling started.

“William Weasley!” It screeched. It was a woman's voice, filled with utter anger and disappointment. “How dare you run off like that? Do you know what you have done to this family?! Poor Fleur is utterly heartbroken, and Victoire keeps asking why her daddy left! And if that isn't enough, you have the audacity to blow up planets?! Complete planets! Where did I go wrong raising you!? Did you learn _nothing_ from fighting the Death Eaters!?”

“Shoot it!” the general yelled, hysterical. “Phasma, shoot it! That is an order!”

The chrome clad captain attempted to follow said order, but the screaming paper moved, dodging the bolt and continued yelling. It wasn't certain which was louder; the woman's disembodied voice or the laughter coming from behind Kylo Ren's mask.

“I have never been more ashamed of one of my children in my _life_! Do you know how your siblings are taking this? Percy refuses to even mention your name, Charlie spends all his time with his dragons, Ron keeps thinking he could have seen this coming and I had to stop Ginny from attempting a 'rescue mission' to come and get you! And George! Poor George, after- after everything, do you really think your siblings deserve to lose _another_ brother!? Do you think me and your father deserve to lose _another_ son!?”

“That's his _mother_?” Lt. Mitaka whispered, half terrified and half impressed.

“I like her,” Phasma responded, respect growing for the woman that bore their general.

“Someone kill me now,” Hux whined, covering his face with his hands.

“I volunteer,” Kylo Ren offered between his hysterical laughter, which sounded like it had progressed into sobs of enjoyment.

“By Merlin, I _swear,_ Bill, I will travel there and drag you home by your ear, do you hear me!? And you don't even have the courage to use your real name! What sort of name is Hux!? Think yourself too good to be a Weasley?! You know who else changed his name before killing people!?”

“Molly, dear,” a calmer, masculine voice could be heard saying in the background, “I don't think this-”

“No, Arthur, gods help me, I will knock some _sense_ into our son! Do you hear that, Bill!? People get sent to Azkaban for this sort of thing! Is that what you want!? You are going to act like a respectable young wizard, and if I hear about one more atrocity from you, I will bring you straight home!”

The envelope then burst into flames, falling and turning into ash on the bridge floor. Hux quickly stamped it out with his boot and fell into his command chair, covering his face in mortifying embarrassment.

After what seemed to be like forever, finally, someone spoke. Kylo Ren's voice echoed throughout the room.

“So... Bill, huh?”

 


End file.
